May 26th 2020. Today I carry on.

Not much to report, friends. Platelets are low again. So I am starting a reduced dosage Chemo round. There is no need for concern. With all the various treatments I have been through, I am still feeling great in both spirit and mind. I remain masked when I need to leave the house. And all my treatment centers have strict entry procedures with mandatory temperature and vitals before admittance. Safe and sound. Safe and sound. I carry on healing. I meditate on my brain being cleared of all junk, and its magnificent tissue being supercharged with life giving oxygen. I heal and grow stronger with each passing day. I carry on.

May 16th 2020. Today I fantasize.

Like in the novel, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I feel like I have experienced a real deep sea dive. It is the only way to describe the experience. My fellow divers meet in the prep room, in front of an underwater dolphin mural. We are then wheeled into what I can only describe as a rectangular submarine. We each gear up by putting on giant bubble helmets with pure oxygen being pumped into them. They snap in place with scuba gear gaskets, making the seals airtight. Once the crew makes the last prep, the huge metal vault door gets sealed from inside by our “diving instructor”. 3. 2. 1 Dive! A massive wave of air and rushing sounds sends a signal to all divers that we have begun our decent. The room is pressurized to an atmosphere of 32 feet below sealevel. It takes an aggressive ear popping campaign to alleviate the built up pressure. But in the end I am left with an hour and half worth of highly pressurized pure oxygen filling my lungs. This oxygen infusion treatment is the thing of the future. It is the future!

We return to the surface, revitalized and oxygenated on a micro and macro level. And then I do it all over again, for approximately 40 days… 2 of 40 complete. It’s going to be a very oxygen filled summer.

May 13th 2020. Today I take inventory of my mind, spirit, and body.

I begin with my body. I am feeling at ease in my body. I am relaxed and there is little tension. My coordination and balance are improving with each wonderful session with my physical therapist. And tomorrow at this time, I will be participating in my first hyperbaric chamber treatment. It is a fascinating experience. I wear a giant helmet like a deep sea diver. They pump pure oxygen into my bubble helmet. And the entire room gets pressurized as if I was about 33′ below sea level. They actually call the treatments “dives”! And just to add to the experience, the whole room is covered in a deep-sea mural. How cool is that! I love science and good design. I will do this 2 hour treatment every weekday for 40 days.

My spirit is strong. I feel love in all aspects of my being. I heal myself thru this love. I project the love out into the world. I try in this uncertain time to focus on this positive wave. I know things are scary, but I don’t fear. I don’t have room in my brain for doubt.

My mind is focused. I am centered on daily goals. And I am able to communicate again with ease. I see positive changes happening. All is well and I am safe.

May 5th 2020. Today I snap back.

After a nice round of some mental rehabilitation therapy yesterday, my words have once again found order in my speech. Texting has gotten easier. And letters have regained their meaning and context. Oh what power the mind is revealing to me. The sheer strength of my will to be fully engaged and charged at the cellular level to get my brain synapses firing again. What a blessing this body, spirit, and mind I have been rewarded! There is no limit to creation.

April 8th 2020.

Suffered from a very painful Pulmonary Embolism yesterday. In the hospital recovering and getting multiple tests. But I am safe, breathing great, and being cared for by a great team. Love to all!

April 6th 2020. Today I hide.

I wish that wasn’t the only way to avoid getting the deadly virus, but as more lives across the planet are threatened; isolation and containment are our strongest defense.

So I dream of a parallel universe, one where love kills this virus. How fabulous would it be if the cure was a good old gin and tonic! And by kissing your loved ones, immunity spread. Where the sun zapped the entire world’s air and UV rays erased all traces of disease.

I can hide from Covid and take precautions. But I can’t hide from cancer. This reality rests on my head far more often than this newest pandemic. Perhaps the virus is helping me take a break from thinking about my own personal uphill battle. According to the CDC:

In 2019, there will be an estimated 1,762,450 new cancer cases diagnosed and 606,880 cancer deaths in the United States.

So far, Covid has taken 8,910 precious souls from the US. So what is the takeaway…

Live your life and be happy. Yes, take extreme caution. But don’t forget to dream, to love, to inspire, to create. And when this current pandemic is over, don’t forget about all the other countless diseases that have ravished our world. Support local and national efforts to transform our healthcare system so no one has to suffer any further from ignorance and denial. We are a strong race of humankind. So be it… KIND.

(Soap box removed) I turn back to my own health. MRI from last week revealed positive and continually hopeful results. Most if not almost all of the tumor has died or is in the process of dying. So now my neuro oncology team needs to focus on reducing the amount of necrosis in my brain. Necrosis in layman’s terms is another way to describe dead brain tissue. So in addition to months more of oral chemotherapy, I am going to try to get insurance approval for an IV infusion treatment with a drug called Avastin. In addition, they also want me to start doing treatments in a Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber. I hear Justin Bieber sleeps in one? Isn’t that special! HA!

All of my treatment will revolve around trying to reduce all my brain swelling and washing away (in a sense) as much dead brain tissue as possible. Surgery to remove these deads areas of my brain has still not been recommended, and simply because the tumor location is right near my ventricles. So much of the tumor has died, that the dead tissue has shifted the midline of my brain. This is not a “problem” perse, just a statement of brain symmetry and to demonstrate that all the treatment I have been doing has really shaken things up.

So let’s continue to stir the pot on all levels, and see if that magical elixir called life will continue to bless us all with health, happiness, and love.

March 17th 2020. Today my platelets are at 279!

From 53 to 279 in one week, I am once again back in the game. Sucks that all this good news means I start another round of chemotherapy tonight, but I’d never been happier to have cancer treatment right now. In the midst of a pandemic where no treatment has yet to be discovered, I am so thankful for modern medicine. And I am also blessed to have this extraordinary body that heals and bounces back when I need it most. And yes, 279 is still low, but it is just enough for me to stay in the fight.

March 17th 2020. Today the luck of the Irish has faded.

Is it possible to keep optimism alive as humanity suffers a great deal? Can we be so bold as to smile again and to be thankful for this precious life we have been given? This life was always just borrowed time from the universe. How do we keep the spirit alive, the light a flame, and the embers smoking?

I can only speak for myself. But I have to dig deep and plunge into my inner well of memories, and recall a lifetime of blessings. This life is beautiful. And maybe Mama Earth is just trying to heal herself from the plaque of humanity. I see the images from Venice, and the waters are crystal clear and beautiful. The smog has lifted from our skylines. I can hear the birds clearly, without the rumble of distant highways. There is global peace descending on us, like a gifted veil. And the silver lining of our human destiny lies deep within the hearts of all of us.

I want someone to blame or something to punch. I want my anger at my cancer to cut thru the fog of chemo, and pierce my mental bubble. I want the lives of my family and friends to extend past this pandemic so that we can all look back on our life’s with reverence and gratitude.

Our planet will heal itself in time. She is in great pain at the moment and losing her grasp. So let’s reach out to her and hold her hand for a change. Isolate and quarantine your bodies, but let your hearts and spirits soar. Elevate your perspective. Share rather than hoard. Love thy neighbor, from a 6′ distance of course. And pick one informed and unbiased news source, and turn the rest OFF. Take this time to savor the miracle of our planet. When I found out I had brain cancer, I thought there was no way in hell I could experience a worse predicament. And yet here I am. Here we are.

No matter what, I know that my fortress is strong. Platelet counts don’t dictate my mood. The sudden risk of viral infection will not alter my mind. I am strong. I am grounded. I have roots deep on this earth and the winds may bend and sway my branches, but they will not break. I have work left to do. And deeper roots to grow before this tree of life is done. So wash your hands, play your part, and keep on moving. I choose love. Fear is dead.