Fall is defined by loss, the loss of leaves and of momentum. Melancholy and faithful we all sat in prayer and prayed desperately for change. Change in temperatures, change in politics, change in spirit. And through the dim cold nights we slept under the same star speckled sky. Our eyes would meet on occasion through monitors attached to Zoom. Mostly we carried on, to feel accomplished that we had made it.
Winter is stillness. Time crawls . We shelter close, hold on to our families, and grow strong bonds to break through the frigid air. All feel a great loss. A loss in faith. A loss of breath. We take nothing for granted, for it is all a toss up.
And then, the new season without a sound, begins to grow. Under the surface of the earth, sister spring weaves herself into a quilt to warm mama’s magical lap. And on the horizon we see a worn and battered landscape. And we remember this is how it is meant to be. The struggle with life is that all we have is our memories. The snares and snags, the jigs and jags, all perfectly placed in our life so that we remember.
A year and 8 months ago, I had a life changing seizure. Dizzying days followed, along with the diagnosis of brain cancer. But one detail remains brazen in my mind. I remember the love. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace, an outpouring of love. I felt chosen to for this experience. As if my whole life was designed for this battle. I had prepared for the season without me even knowing. And as my season of healing now comes to a close, I enter a new season… A season of love.
April 12th, 2021 will be the last day of my chemotherapy treatment, God willing forever. We will continue to take MRI’s every 3-6 months with the intervals between them getting longer and longer. I am going to pursue being an artist full time. I plan on touring the great western united states with my love, Mike. We plan on buying a house together, some place big enough for all his kids. I want to garden, even though I know very little. I want to soak up as much happiness with which God is willing to bless. I want to live in the moment full of joy. No Day But Today.