September 16th 2020. Today I release control and let my body speak for me and thru me.

MRI results are in. The tumor is stable. No new growth. The profusion shows a decrease in blood flow to the tumor. All in all very good news.

I do get a lot of friends asking me what this all means. They ask how its going, how am I doing. And its so hard to articulate my understanding on whats going on in my head. So my oncologist said it best, “How I feel is the most important indicator of how I am doing”. Think about that for a moment.

I will always have this tumor in my brain. The parts that die will remain sitting in my brain forever. Surgery is not an option. So it is important to remember that there is no miracle cure possible. But that does not mean I give up hope… miracles are miracles only because someone said that its impossible.

I can live a very long time with this tumor in my head. But it will always be a part of me. I continue on to cycle three of Chemotherapy starting at the end of the month. The objective is to kill as much as the active cancer as possible.

So, how do I feel? Many words fill my head: Hopeful. At peace. Accepting. Loving. Being loved. Tired. Happy. Confused. On point. A cacophony of emotions and thoughts. But I know that at the my core is a soul full of life ready to radiate peace to all. Can we translate a feeling into a diagnosis or prognosis? Sure, why the hell not?! I feel unstoppable. On my marathon of healing, I have no map. My heart is my compass. I blindly feel my way to the light. And I am loved. I am loved. Thank you for all the love being sent my way. I can feel every last ray of it fill my heart.

4 Replies to “September 16th 2020. Today I release control and let my body speak for me and thru me.”

  1. I have been waiting for a note from you!
    I am so glad to read everything you wrote, you are the most beautiful soul ever❤️
    And you are right, anything, can happen. Why not let it be you, you are a miracle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Keep the positive outlook & good luck with your upcoming chemo treatments. Praying for you all. A family of Angels are blessing you with love & healing in all that you’ve gone through so far.

    Liked by 1 person

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